You DAWG you...

Hello Wonderful People :)

***I am giving prior warning that this is an essay of an entry filled with copious amounts of my ranting and raving like a mad woman…You have been warned!***

 

Arrived home from the Netherlands last Saturday night *major SOB*. I had a great break but more importantly I got to spend quality time with my boyfriend :) BUT….and there is a big BUT…I allowed myself to basically do the DAWG on it. What you I mean, I hear you ask? Well…on Monday I got myself up at 5:30am to get ready to leave for Cork city where I could get the long ass bus to Dublin Airport *cue an annoying gowl who sat beside me on the lovely spacious seat I had taken by the emergency exit….GOWL  I tell you*…My porridge was eaten but at such an early hour well I spotted a box of quality street opened and I ate about 15 of them…such items are rarely found in my house and I am soo thankful for that….so the day started off bad…then I forgot to bring a sandwich or two with me and a few bits to keep hunger at bay…Because of that I allowed my brain to give approval to a new decision ‘take today off regarding tracking and just enjoy yourself..not too much but you’ll get back on it tomorrow’ HA…yeah right….my delicious jiggly ass shimmayed off that plan *laden down with my massive bag since you know I need to bring enough stuff for a month like just incase…* and out through arrivals where total bliss took over when I saw my boyfriend and well when you’re happy and you’re already gone off track FECK IT ALL…Popped to the shop later on because I was starving and well I got soo many goodies, oooh they were good and I just said to Temi ‘taking tonight off weight watchers I’ll be back on it tomorrow’ to be honest I’d say he was happy in a way because I’m an awful person to go food shopping with I spend an hour searching and pro pointing everything but also Temi doesn’t know the really bag foodie Grá because since when we got together way back when I had 4st down and was an avid weight watchers *well..this was during my ‘’off’’ period of 2 years where I was sometimes 100% or others times 40% on WW if you get me* so he wouldn’t have thought anything off it…Anyway here is a little photo of only a fraction of what I consumed THAT NIGHT…oh I said it a fraction..

 

The next day I woke up and the only thing that was in my head was ‘you had such a disaster yesterday you won’t pull it back…the taste of full fat high pro point food is in my mouth…I can’t I just gotta continue…maybe tomorrow I’ll be okay’ sweet jeebus I haven’t spoken like that since I got back my WW MOJO in June…I scared myself…the last time I went to the Netherlands I lost 1lb…and was there for 9 days as opposed to the recent 5 day trip…WHAT WAS HAPPENING ME!!

So anyway the week pretty much continued like that oh did I mention we went to the cinema twice….Hunger Games & The Hobbit…

 

Both fabulous….They were two movies I wanted to see with Temi especially as I’m a super cheese ball and we had seen the first instalment of each together way back when *I’m the biggest romantic sop going*…Oooooh momma where those cinema trips fun….the first night….a bottle of water *I have not touched my former Diet Coke Addiction since Sept 13^th 2013 and I will not again ---- only bloody diet drink they have is DC*, share pack of skittles *nom nom*, pick and mix bag *SUPER NOM NOM* and a big pack of Sensations…oh sweet divine…The next night came the Hobbit…this time I opted for a bottle of wine (mini) for my thirst quenching beverage *seriously my kind of cinema*, the skittles appeared again, a medium popcorn AND  a mini tub of B&J Strawberry Cheesecake *I would eat my bodyweight in that stuff* we share the stuff between use but let’s be honest I probably eat the most…

 

Oh I forgot I also made sure to make up my lack of alcohol over the last few months…a nice few bottles of wine were had….Oh and sure I discovered some gorgeous houmous that I had to buy…TWICE….to go with my Melba toast of course ;)

 

 

Wanna know what else – SECRET SHAMEFUL EATING returned…I said it, a good few chocolate bars were picked up when I went to the shop myself…all eaten before I came back to the apartment….oh sure even the BIG packets of potato salad were only divine and the bread oooh divine!

I did not eat a regular breakfast of my favourite porridge ONCE…nada…..nothing…I was dying to have it Sunday morning believe me.

 

Oh best of all we went to KFC mainly because I wanted to *any fattie or former fattie knows that when you are a natural piggy the tendancy to go for junk will remain forever no matter how much we change ourselves. But anyway the KFC was fabulous…A large chicken weird wrap thing *it was massive with like fried potato* with the large chip and a FULL FAT 7UP (no diet and I didn’t ask for water :( ) oh and I had a medium chip that came with my boyfriends meal too coz you know…waste not want not!

 

At the station on the way home…I felt like ice-cream I saw my favourite ‘My Swirl It’ place…picked myself up one of these bad boys….when she asked did we want cream on top I nearly died…they didn’t do that in Ireland…needless to say it was gone in a few minutes :/

 

 

And you know what I kept eating and eating even though I knew I was beyond full….like feel like getting sick full…NEVER GOOD!

Oh but I was good and made sure I drank about 3lt of water a day..does that make up for it *cough cough*.

So anyway on Saturday it was time to go home which meant very sad Grá trying to hide *failing miserably* her tears… I didn’t eat before I got to the airport well a few chocolate biscuits…as I didn’t have time, well you know ;) And I realised I felt great all week eating like a pig when I was with Temi but when I realised I had to go home and not see him for a few weeks I began to feel really shit about how the week went food wise…To me it showed how much our emotions can blur our vision…It scared me and I genuinely mean that…I couldn’t pretend buying the big chocolate bar was a good idea…I decided I’d track what I’d eaten/would eat during the day regardless of going over…I knew I’d end up going over as I had no food with me and the airports well not exactly healthy food central and I wouldn’t arrive back to my house until around 11pm that night but I tracked and tried my best…I still ended up going about 50pp over THAT DAY *imagine I was keep track…imagine the other days* but I was like it is fine…I was going to stop for a chipper on the way home but I decided against it because that would have made me about 100pp over so I had a lovely toastie instead :)

 

I woke up Sunday morning dreading the inevitable hop on my own scales to get a rough idea of the damage…I fooled myself into thinking ‘maybe only 3lbs’…It appeared to be at around 6.5/7lbs…Sweet Jesus that was in 5 days! So I decided there and then that that was my Christmas indulgence over and done with…A week before I was 4lbs from goal…a far cry now…So I got back on track, drank my water, ate my good meals, had my few treats *depriving myself of a little treat won’t help me believe me* and well I hoped my body was in shock with the junk as I didn’t feel I weighed 7lbs heavier…I hopped on my scales yesterday morning and I was right I was down to maybe being 3.5lbs/4lbs up…now that I can handle…I can thankfully make my final pre-Christmas weigh in this Friday so I will have a gain but I can be a lot happier about knowing I did serious damage control all week.

 

 

I will look fabulous at the family wedding on the 29^th no matter what. I won’t go over on Christmas day because I believe in myself. I made out a rough menu plan for the day totalling about 50PP which is fine by me and that includes everything…thankfully no tins of sweets/alcohol will be consumed except for my own usual sweets I’ll have!

 

 

I felt guilty…I felt disappointed within myself for the splurge BUT you know what I was entitled to a break BECAUSE I know I get back up and keep going…Why waste worrying about the past when I can concentrate on my bright future…This time last year I was 1.5stone heavier and this time 4 years ago I was 5.5st heavier…And this picture explains why I WILL get to GOAL :)

 

 

Funny thing is I think if I told my boyfriend how much I gained he’d be shocked….the joys of being a secret eater eh!

This day next week think about how YOU want to FEEL about yourself! Do you want to feel like the cat that got the cream and devoured everything in sight OR do you want to feel a little guilty for being indulgent but also know that you made smart choices throughout the day…Think about it :)

 

I have an idea at the moment to take photos of EVERYTHING I eat on Christmas Day and compile it within a blog entry just to firstly keep me on the straight and narrow but also just because I can look back at it and feel proud of having some form of willpower…if it is a bit wobbly I’ll survive :)  I’m going to be smart with food because I can’t rely on exercise to help me out at the moment due to a foot injury…physio appointment tomorrow so hopefully I’ll know what is up after them and I really hope I’ll be able to run the 10km on the 26^th, I’ve been looking forward to it despite not training in nearly 3 weeks :(

But all that aside look at my pretty hat :D

 

Okay seriously I’m going to shush now I really have ranted on long enough! BUT this post was never planned as I felt too ashamed to actually say it out to anybody except myself because come on it makes me sound like a fat pig but then I saw JQ's post tonight about Christmas and being up 5lbs this week and I said screw it and started typing immediately. Sometimes others don’t realise how much they inspire and support others so thanks JQ for that :)

 

 

Also the bad food choices didn't outweigh the brilliant time I had with Temi, especially wearing a size 10 top, size 12 jeans and coat and ankle boots woo new me and HAPPY me :)

 

 

Have a fabulous week everyone and I plan to get a new entry up next week :)

 

Until next time,

Grá :)